We all have wounds and scars and they start from the beginning. My beginning I hardly remember. I don't remember much before my dad came into our lives, just bits and pieces. I remember bouncing around from my mom to my grandma to my meme to my Papa and then to my aunt throughout the weeks and months. My mom was a single mom up until I was 6 years old and as you can imagine, she worked a lot. I had tons of women in my life that loved me and stuck around. I learned quickly that men don't. My meme's husband died before I was born. My grandma divorced my papa before I was born, and then divorced my Poppy Robert when I was young. My aunt was a single mom just like my mom, and I was never sure why. I didn't ask because it honestly didn't seem weird to me. And last but not least, there was the odd absence of my biological dad. Even so, I didn't feel like anything was broken when I was young. No one acted as if anything was broken, even though we all came from broken homes or created them. I was happy and goofy. I remember that I loved Pink Ranger, Disney movies, and daydreaming. I remember bits and pieces of Pre-k at Robinwood Baptist Church. I remember hearing the name Jesus a lot.
Fast forward to 2017, and my beginning hasn't seemed to affect me much. Until it does. It's not a coincidence that I struggled with the fear of rejection for quite some time. I've grown and changed like everyone does. The more knowledge a person gains, the more they realize that it really doesn't matter who likes you and who doesn't. I don't have sufficient knowledge yet, but I've grown and healed many of those old wounds. I'm also a Christian, trying to be a strong Christian. Most days, I don't try very hard. But I do have faith that God will use me in spite of me. I don't have the power to disrupt His plan for my life, no matter how selfish or stupid I am...but I sure do make things hard.
On a lighter note, it's the day after Thanksgiving and I have so much to be thankful for this year. It would be impossible to list all the goodness God has graced me with because I'm probably not aware of most of it. I have a family who loves me unconditionally. I have a handsome boyfriend who I have a hard time believing is real sometimes, and could say a million great things about right now, because he is beyond good to me. I have a job that gives me purpose and allows me to use my gifts and talents, one that God hand picked for me. I'm generally in good health and working toward being in great health. I have a future that is bright and fulfilling, with many dreams in mind that I want to live out. Annnnnnddddd right about now you're probably wondering how this turned into me bragging about how great my life is. Well don't get envious; remember I left out all the sucky parts of my life on purpose. And you should too! It feels good to list all the things you have to be thankful for, and to purposely leave out the bad.
Jess
Fast forward to 2017, and my beginning hasn't seemed to affect me much. Until it does. It's not a coincidence that I struggled with the fear of rejection for quite some time. I've grown and changed like everyone does. The more knowledge a person gains, the more they realize that it really doesn't matter who likes you and who doesn't. I don't have sufficient knowledge yet, but I've grown and healed many of those old wounds. I'm also a Christian, trying to be a strong Christian. Most days, I don't try very hard. But I do have faith that God will use me in spite of me. I don't have the power to disrupt His plan for my life, no matter how selfish or stupid I am...but I sure do make things hard.
On a lighter note, it's the day after Thanksgiving and I have so much to be thankful for this year. It would be impossible to list all the goodness God has graced me with because I'm probably not aware of most of it. I have a family who loves me unconditionally. I have a handsome boyfriend who I have a hard time believing is real sometimes, and could say a million great things about right now, because he is beyond good to me. I have a job that gives me purpose and allows me to use my gifts and talents, one that God hand picked for me. I'm generally in good health and working toward being in great health. I have a future that is bright and fulfilling, with many dreams in mind that I want to live out. Annnnnnddddd right about now you're probably wondering how this turned into me bragging about how great my life is. Well don't get envious; remember I left out all the sucky parts of my life on purpose. And you should too! It feels good to list all the things you have to be thankful for, and to purposely leave out the bad.
Jess
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